Erestor Goes Punch-Wild Crazy
by NirCele
Summary: It was all fun and games when Glorfindel went on his hugging rampage, but what was the reaction of our dear black-clad adviser? Erestor discovers, to his great horror, that all who were hugged by Glorfindel have been horribly traumatized! With primed fists and his trusty Nazgûl cloak, Erestor goes to deliver the cure! The sequel to Glorfindel Goes Hug-Wild Crazy is finally here!
1. Erestor Takes Up Un-Traumatizing People

**Everyone, cheer for the fabulous** **Sixty-four K** **, who has kindly agreed to beta this mad story! Give her lots of donuts and Kool-aid, because she will need them after beta-ing this insanity!**

 **Disclaimer: The unfortunate author of this story is in no way responsible for the reader wishing to punch happy people, loss of blood or teeth, a perfectly rational fear of hugs, or a damaged ability to be out of touch with reality. Read at your own risk.**

* * *

Elrond handed Erestor a piece of paper. "There," the Lord said, and then rushed away to go bother someone else.

Erestor read the paper and scowled. "WHY?" he shrieked to the ceiling above him, clearly yelling at the Valar. "Why must Imladris be saddled with the most annoying and disgustingly happy Balrog-slayer in existence? Why could you not have sent back someone else?!"

The Valar quite rudely didn't answer.

Erestor threw the paper and stormed over to the window. He glowered through the window for a long while at Glorfindel, who was randomly hugging people left and right. "I'm going to give him a week of latrine duty as soon as possible," the adviser muttered darkly under his breath.

Glorfindel hugged the last person and danced away into another building.

Erestor scowled and grabbed as many books as possible before he violently stomped out of the room and down the hallway. Just as he rounded a corner, someone tall and golden and smiley banged into him and knocked him over.

Letters went flying, precious scrolls were scattered, and beautiful books were tossed onto the floor as Erestor ungracefully lost his balance and fell with a scream.

Glorfindel gasped and yanked him up, then smothered him in a hug.

That was the LAST STRAW.

Erestor kicked the warrior as fiercely as he could – right in the knee, too – and was maliciously satisfied when Glorfindel dropped him and hobbled away, no doubt to go torture someone else.

He picked up his papers and books quickly, vengeance filling his mind.

Ten minutes later, Elrond dashed into the room, his nose dripping blood all over the place. Erestor very helpfully stuffed a tissue up his nose.

"Danks," said Elrond. "Bud I hab do dell you domething!"

"You...have to tell me something?" said Erestor, magically deciphering the strange language Elrond was speaking in.

"Yed! Glorthindel ith running around hugging the randometht peopleth! He'th making havoc eveewheh!"

"That totally made sense to whoever's reading this," said Erestor. Suddenly he gasped and stood very straight. "Glorfindel is hugging people! This is terrible! No! We can't have this! He's going to traumatize everyone!"

"He'th aweady twaumatithed me and Cewebwian and our wittle babieth!" said Elrond with a very affronted expression. "Thath what I telling you! You hath to thtop him!"

"I must stop him!" Erestor said, ignoring Elrond. He dashed over to the closet in his study and threw on a black cloak. When he pulled the hood up, he looked very creepy – a pale shortish elf drowning in a sea of black fabric. "Fear not!" cried the genius adviser. "I shall save Middle Earth!"

"Oh good," said Elrond, still clutching his poor nose.

"Starting with you!" Erestor sped over to Elrond and punched him square in the face.

"Owie!" shrieked Elrond, falling pathetically to the floor. "What wath that for!"

"I un-traumatized you," said Erestor in malevolent delight, then dashed out of the room.

Elrond sank to the floor. "Oh," he said happily. "I feel better aweady."

* * *

 **Review or Erestor will assume you have been hug-traumatized and so give you the cure.**


	2. Talk About Too Much Hugging!

**Warning: Severe fabulousness, hairiness, non-existence, glittery-ness, and loss (and then regainance) of evilness in this chapter.  
Yes indeed, writers are allowed to make up any words they want. You should try it sometime, it's great fun.**

* * *

Erestor flung the doors to the Mirkwood palace open. The guards, blood streaming from their noses, cowered away from him.

"WHAT IS THE MEANING OF THIS?" came a fabulously loud voice, and Thranduil raised a fabulous eyebrow while fabulously uncrossing his legs from on top of his throne.

Erestor gasped when he saw the pink glitter that covered the entire room. Glorfindel had obviously been here! With another gasp, he rushed across the room, up the throne steps, and punched Thranduil in his fabulous face.

The Elvenking fell back with a fabulous shriek. "Why'd you do that?!"

Erestor whipped out a notebook and pencil and jotted something down. _All victims so far show signs of horror and shock when confronted with reality – must go faster and stop Glorfindel from traumatizing everyone!_

"Guards!" Thranduil howled, holding his fabulous bleeding nose. "Get him!"

The guards ran at Erestor, and he punched them in the face upon seeing the pink glitter that sprinkled their shoulders. They toppled over with a scream, and Erestor dashed away. At one point, he saw a strange little red-haired hairy hairball with Legolas – and horror of horrors! They had pink glitter all over them!

Erestor punched them in the face, then karate-chopped them across the back of their neck when they doubled over. He wasn't sure it really affected the red-haired hairy hairball, but at least he tried. Then he hurried away to find more of the people Glorfindel had traumatized, and hopefully stop Glorfindel himself!

A few feet away, Erestor found an elf sitting on the floor, glitter surrounding him and a very sad look on his face. He also had a concussion, given to him by Glorfindel, obviously maliciously.

"Good day, Galion," said Erestor, and punched him.

Galion blinked and then carefully dabbed at his bleeding lip. "Thank you."

Erestor scribbled in his notepad again. _One innocent victim rescued from the clutches of unreality! Success with this one! Maybe I should aim for the mouth instead of the nose._

Erestor hurried away to find more people. He discovered a nonexistent red-haired elf along with two other random elves and punched the two random elves in the face since they had glitter on them. The red-head didn't have glitter, but he punched her anyway because she didn't help Galion mop.

Then he followed the trail of terrified spiders – they had almost been caught and hugged, but had fortunately gotten away in time – to somewhere with super tall black gates, lots of creepy dark clouds, and were rather cool, actually. They reminded him of Elladan and Elrohir.

He found a massive sign there that said 'Nazgûl Rocks!' right outside. A few feet away there was a group of nine wraiths, sitting around a table made up of smashed instruments. They were playing go-fish, since their mummies didn't allow them to play poker or gamble.

Erestor was shocked to find that these once-fearsome wraiths (they still had their creepy black cloaks on, luckily, and they even matched Erestor's!) were surrounded in heaps of pink glitter. It was horrible! Glorfindel had gone nuts here with his…his…ugh, Erestor shuddered to think of it – his traumatizing hugging!

He dashed over to them and lifted his fist to punch the first one, Fred, if he recalled correctly, in the face.

Fred looked up at him creepily. "No Man can punch me," he said in a raspy smug voice.

Erestor tossed his head. "I am no Man!" he said, and punched Fred in his invisible face.

Fred immediately turned evil. He gasped and looked around. "What are we doing?" he cried. "We're not even evil anymore!" Then he threw go-fish across the dead field and kicked something and stomped away.

The other eight Nazgûl stared at his creepy retreating back.

"Oh well," said one, and was about to return to his game when he was promptly sucker-punched in the face.

"Owwwww!" said the Nazgûl. "Duuuuude! That was mean!" Then he turned evil again too.

"I'm not Dude, you are," Erestor said. He punched the others in the face and then wrote down one sentence in his notebook.

 _It has even affected the most fearsome of creatures – this Terror Rampage must stop!_

* * *

 **Ah, did I...? *looks at former chapter* I did. Ahem. *clears throat awkwardly***

 **EVERYONE I'M TERRIBLY SORRY, I FORGOT TO MENTION THIS. FORGIVE ME. *bows at the feet of the Dark Lord of All***

 **THIS STORY WAS INSPIRED BY THIS RANDOM COMMENT: "Hey, what if Erestor went around punching everyone to un-traumatize them because of what Glorfindel did" or something of that ilk (correct me if I'm wrong, o thou mad genius thee) but basically...**

 **THIS STORY WAS INSPIRED BY PIP THE DARK LORD OF ALL. THAT COMMENT WAS HERS. SO IF YOU LIKE THIS STORY, I'M THE ONE WHO WROTE IT. IF YOU DESPISE IT, IT WAS PIP'S IDEA.**

 **Oh, look, I finally did an A/N that's about as long as the story. XD**


	3. Poor Erestor's Fists Are Sore

**Everyone, I must mention the fabulous Sixty-four K again! She is fabulous for beta-ing this madness! Go check out her own fabulous stories, and make sure to review them!**

 **If you're still reading this, congratulations. You've successfully regained your touch with reality, according to the current genius adviser. Thank you for not hugging anyone, and if you would please continue to refrain from doing do, we will all be grateful and un-traumatized.**

* * *

Erestor surveyed the land before him with distaste. There was a super big mountain and lots of little hairballs dashing around doing things. They looked sickeningly happy – and traumatized! There was pink glitter everywhere!

Erestor clutched at his hair in horror. This was going to take forever to fix!

He started with the closest one, a blond-haired hairball that had far too many knives all over his clothes. Then he punched a brown hairball with no hair on its face – how odd – and many, many, many others.

By the time he was done, Erestor's fists were aching and he was exhausted from all of the punching. The hairballs were all lying on the ground, staring at the sky with angry faces, but they couldn't move because their noses were all broken.

Erestor had found that breaking noses was a very effective way to get rid of the glitter.

To finish it all off, Erestor quickly punched the last hairball in the face, knocking the metal weird crown off his head, and then ran away. There was no more glitter; his mission here was completed.

To Erestor's utter disbelief, he soon found a blonde-haired woman outside a random city and she was utterly covered in pink glitter. She swung a sword at him, screaming something about 'Nazgûl' (probably because of the massive black cloak Erestor was wearing that practically dwarfed him) but Erestor ignored it and punched her square in the face.

She fell over and then stood up after a little while, giggling and running at some brown-haired guy who had his girlfriend's necklace and who immediately ran away from her.

Erestor ran around the castle wall and found a white-faced human unconscious on the ground. Erestor punched him, which revived him. The white-faced human jumped up and an evil look crossed his face.

"I will go steal her shoes," said the white-faced person in a creepy voice, then dashed away to steal someone's shoes.

 _Humans show very odd effects to the cure_ , Erestor wrote in his notepad. Then he ran inside the castle and punched the two guards, who were still swooning. Glorfindel had obviously been here earlier. After punching the guards, he found some dude on a throne and punched him in the nose.

The guy screamed and suddenly turned into a wrinkly scrinkly twinkly old man. "Why why why would you do that?" he screamed.

Erestor peered into his glazed eyes. "Are you feeling any less traumatized?" he asked.

The old man died.

Erestor wrote in his notebook. _One human traumatized so badly that it died upon administration of cure, how terrible._

Then he ate a donut and quickly ran outside. After looking around, he gasped. There was a trail of pink glitter leading somewhere!

Erestor followed it.

He found another human city.

This one was a little different, but basically just as boring. Erestor punched two nearby people he saw with glitter and then ran up a bunch of steps. There was another old guy on a throne, and this one looked really weird, but at least he was reading a book.

"Oh no," said Erestor depressedly, seeing the glitter all over the old guy. He didn't know what to do. He was reading a book, so he couldn't be that bad, but he did have pink glitter all over him!

The old man looked up and saw Erestor. "Hey!" he said in a delighted sort of voice. "Guess what? My dad was Ecthelion and he was killed by a Balrog! The books say he died of cancer, but I know better!"

"Definitely traumatized," Erestor said, and punched him in the face.

The old guy gasped, dropped his book, and ran outside. Then he jumped off the edge of the courtyard and reinvented the Denethor Plummet.

"There, that's done," said Erestor, and started for the door, punching some glitter-covered person in armor before he went out.

Pausing just outside the city, he wrote once more in his notepad. _I hope I'll catch up to Glorfindel soon; this punching is making my fists sore._

* * *

 **I completely made up the word depressedly, just because it looks cool. Use it if you like, but if YOU DON'T REVIEW FIRST, ERESTOR WILL SUE YOUR SOCKS OFF. Seriously, he will, because he needs socks (did I mention the twins happened to borrow all of them?)**


	4. Glorfindel Has Caused A LOT of Trouble

**Do you see how much trouble Glorfindel caused poor Erestor? THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOU ALLOW SOMEONE TO HUG YOU! SOMEONE WILL HAVE TO SAVE YOU FROM THE TRAUMATIZATION BY PUNCHING YOU IN THE FACE! BELIEVE ME, IT WILL HAPPEN! IF IT HASN'T ALREADY, IT WILL SOON!**

* * *

Erestor stared up in disapproval and more than a little disgust at the tower before him. Once a terrifying blackish gloomy color, it was now painted bright neon green and yellow! There were pink stripes on the spiky tips, and glitter was all over the place! Oh, the horror! Erestor clutched at his head as he saw a huge group of giggling elves dashing all over the place, trailing ribbons, hairbrushes, and nail polish.

Then he punched them all in the face and went inside.

"Oh, hello, my jolly old fellow!" greeted Saruman in a fantabulously happy voice, holding out his arms for a hug. "I saw that you visited earlier, but you didn't stay for the Hug-Fest!"

Erestor punched his nose.

Saruman fell over and stayed on the floor.

Erestor kicked him, just to add a little more evil back into him, then walked away. As he went outside, he saw a massive group of orcs, dripping nail polish and make-up and staring around with horror at their manicured nails and stylishly made-up hair.

"Whoop, looks like they're back," said Erestor, and left. A few orcs seemed to consider going after him, but they were in too much shock to actually carry it out.

Then Erestor found the same white-faced human he had seen earlier stumbling back toward Isengard, clutching a donut to his chest.

Erestor took the donut and punched the human in the face. The white-faced human toppled to the ground and stayed there, and Erestor ate the donut and went on, writing something in his notebook. _Saruman is a wimp and his minions are really lame._

Suddenly Erestor heard a noise.

"Oh, by the great horror of hugs!" said a strange little person somewhere. "That mushroom has been trampled!"

"Oh noes!" said another strange little voice somewhere near the first strange little person. "Our day has been ruined!"

"Who stepped on our mushrooms?" wailed the first strange little voice again.

Erestor walked around a tree and found two strange little people kneeling next to a pile of crushed mushrooms and both crying piteously.

"Hmm…" said Erestor, seeing that there was pink glitter on both of them, but that it looked dull for some reason. Wait! Had they actually tried to reject Glorfindel's hugs? Maybe there was some hope for Middle Earth yet!

"Hello, Hobbitlings," said Erestor, as he called every Hobbit a Hobbitling because he liked to annoy people and because he was Erestor.

"Hullo, Erestor," said Merry.

"Whhhyyyyyy?" cried Pippin, throwing himself down beside the mushrooms and staring at them with a terribly sad look on his face.

Erestor punched them both in the face.

"That was interesting," said Merry.

Pippin leaped to his feet and glared at Erestor. "How dare you punch me!"

Erestor punched him again.

Pippin suddenly danced around happily. "Oh, I'm so happy! To think I would see the day when an elf wouldn't hug me!"

"You're welcome," Erestor said, and then walked away to find someone else to punch. Those two were either untraumatized now or there was just something really wrong with them that they would cry over a mushroom.

"I heard you think that!" shrieked Pippin from somewhere. "How dare you hate on mushrooms!"

Erestor ate a donut, put the lightsaber he had stolen from Pippin into the pocket of his heavy black cloak, and then walked around the corner into Hobbiton.

"Oh, look, an elf!" cried some random Hobbit in delight, seeing past Erestor's disguise of the Nazgûl cloak.

"ELF!" screamed everyone, running at Erestor for hugs.

Erestor punched them all in the face, kicked the pony, and then went to find someone else to untraumatize, jotting a little note in his pad as he went. _Hobbits were very traumatized, hopefully I've fixed them by now – but I've discovered two very odd individuals who I think might join me on my noble quest to save Middle Earth from traumatization._

* * *

 **My mom is awesome – I was going to Google how exactly to punch someone in the nose and the cartilage would go back into their brain and kill them, but my mom just told me because she's also a writer, but she was in the military and took karate too. Yes, writers do need to know these things.**


	5. Erestor Finally Un-Traumatizes Everyone

**I must mention my fabulous beta Sixty-four K again! The only reason this story is so fabulous is because of her!**

 **Erestor: I order you to go read all of her stories, including the Galion Angst ones, the drabble challenge she's starting, and the one she's co-authoring with Pip the Dark Lord of All, who as you should know, horrifically inspired this story. Do it, then review, or I'll punch you.**

 **Ah...thank you, Erestor. That about sums it up. Read on!**

* * *

Darting through the forest in his heavy black Nazgûl cloak, Erestor came upon a funny little man singing a jolly tune in the forest. When Erestor saw him, he gasped and pulled out a massive notebook.

"Wait! I must learn more about you!"

"Okay!" said the funny little man, smiling cheerily beneath his odd hat.

"I MUST LEARN MORE ABOUT –" Erestor suddenly stopped and frowned at the funny little man. "Tom?"

There was glitter all over Tom Bombadil, the most curious creature Erestor had ever heard about.

Tom was once Erestor's hero, but no more!

Erestor punched him in the face and stalked angstily away, throwing his big book of Tom Info into the bushes. A few minutes later, he found a bunch of rocks that had glitter all over them, and he picked them up and flung them into this mysterious black and purple swirly hole – obviously a teleporting circle used by one of the Valar – that was floating a little ways away.

He was very angry.

Suddenly this most odd thing came whooshing out of the teleporting circle and looked around until he saw Erestor.

"Ah!" said the most odd thing, flinging his arms around cheerfully. He was clad in terribly horrible neon clothes, flashing so brightly that they would burn any puny mortal's eyes right out of his puny mortal eye sockets.

The most odd thing was covered in glitter.

"Noooo!" wailed Erestor. He couldn't believe Glorfindel had managed to traumatize Erestor's only other hero – Lord Námo, aka Mandos, Lord of the Dead, Doomsman of the Valar, the Valar of Death, etc., etc., etc!

"Oh, don't be so sad!" said Námo cheerfully. "Come give us a big hug!" He waved his arms smilingly and Erestor almost passed out at the sheer horror of it.

Then he punched Námo in the face and jumped through the teleporting circle.

Námo's wife was sitting just inside, stringing up a tapestry on the wall – one that showed Glorfindel sitting next to three silver-haired elves in Lothlórien. "Ah," she said, not even looking back at Erestor. "I see that you have made it, finally!"

Erestor hesitated, seeing the pink glitter that almost covered her. He had a _few_ morals about punching females, and especially Valier that looked totally innocent and helpless. But this was for the better good! Who could survive with these traumatizing experiences!

Erestor punched her in the face and dashed away. She screamed something behind him and started shredding random stuff, realizing in her traumatization that she had woven something horrible.

Erestor found lots of people with glitter in this place – it was apparently the Halls of Mandos, though it was nothing like he had hoped. There were neon things everywhere, disgustingly nice graffiti (graffiti isn't supposed to look nice!), and worst of all, GLITTER. FLIPPIN' PINK GLITTER WAS EVERYWHERE.

Erestor punched everyone.

He found a few people that had more glitter than others, like Turgon, who giggled in delight after Erestor punched him; Fëanor, who sniffled in happiness when Erestor broke his nose; Finrod, who was covered in glitter and just looked rather annoyed when Erestor punched him; Maedhros and Fingon, who both just shrugged and kept spray-painting a wall after Erestor double-decked them; Ecthelion, who stared at him in horror while blood spilled onto his neon clothes (which promptly turned grey and gloomy when he was punched); and when this random super-tall Vala with glimmering white hair - aka Irmo, Lórien, Vala of Dreams, brother of Námo, most annoying bothersome Vala ever, etc., etc., etc. appeared, Erestor punched him as well.

Irmo screamed, then vanished. Satisfied that the Halls of Mandos were now free of traumatization, Erestor jumped into another teleporting circle that he saw.

He came out in Lothlórien and looked around. Someone pointed an arrow at him, and he punched them, then followed the glitter trail to Caras Galadhon.

First he punched Celeborn, then a group of random archers that lay on the ground. After that, he found Galadriel preening in her mirror, and gasped in shock at the glitter that sprinkled all around her. He had never thought she would succumb to the traumatizing hugs!

Erestor raised a fist to punch her.

Galadriel's head snapped up and she went negative color (see tag: BotFA – Rescue of Mithrandir and Scaring Off Sauron), her hair turning black and her eyes going creepy. "Do not dare touch me," she said in a terrifying voice.

Erestor paused, considering.

Galadriel flung her arms out. "Go back to the Void from whence ye –"

Erestor punched her in the face.

Galadriel turned normal color and fell over.

Erestor saw the glitter trail leading away and he quickly followed it. Suddenly, he had the most urgent need to check the security cameras that he had put all over Imladris.

He pulled out his phone and checked the security cameras.

Suddenly, he gasped in horror and shock! There was something terrible happening – something worse than any trauma that Glorfindel was causing! This was – it was awful!

Erestor quickly dialed Glorfindel (he was under 'Annoying Blond Flitter-Bug' in his Contact list). As soon as Glorfindel answered, Erestor shrieked into the phone – and possibly secretly hoping to burst Glorfindel's eardrums, "Glorfindel! You have to come back now! Elladan and Elrohir have discovered the secret!"

"What secret?" said Glorfindel.

"What secret?" said some echo in the background.

"THE SECRET," Erestor howled, panicking as he saw the video feed being played to him right now.

"Ohh," said Glorfindel over the phone. " _The_ Secret! I'll be right there!"

"Good!" said Erestor, but Glorfindel had already hung up.

Then Erestor threw the phone over his shoulder, rubbed his hands together and dashed after the glitter trail again.

Almost to Imladris, he found three silver-haired elves running after the distant form of Glorfindel – and seeing that they had glitter all over their clothes and hair, he punched them all in the face and barely made it back to Imladris before Glorfindel did.

His phone, humming creepily and dramatic-theme-musically on the forest floor, showed a live recording of Elladan and Elrohir opening the door to Glorfindel's closet.

* * *

 ***sobs angstily* This is the last chapter! Erestor is very...(I can't say happy because it's not possible for Erestor to be happy in this story with so much traumatization going around)...but he's pleased and honored that so many people have reviewed! Make him even more pleased and honored by reviewing just once more!**

 **And if you want to find out just what the Secret is, the next installment in this 'series' will be coming out soon! It's going to be called...*pauses for dramatic effect*... _Skeletons in the Literal Closet!_ Be patient (like someone, I think) and wait for it!**


End file.
